7 Ways to get your libido back (PART II)
1. Have a Vulnerable Conversation [Non-Sexual Intimacy]
I always tell my clients, if you want to have amazing sex start with a vulnerable conversation. Some of the best sex I have ever had was right after a heart-opening discussion with my partner. It clears the air, builds trust, releases resentment or guilt and is a valuable act of ‘non-sexual intimacy’, which leads to ‘sexual intimacy’.
"Open heart = open yoni”.
Start with turning off the TV, putting your phones away and sitting opposite each other on the bed or couch. Then grab a talking stick and share what’s on your mind and heart. The other person cannot interrupt. Share for 5 mins then switch turns. Do this for as long as you need to without attacking each other.
2. Know what you want…then ask for it
Firstly, explore your own body so you know what you like and how you reach climax or orgasm. If you’ve never masturbated much, start with a crystal pleasure wand and discover what makes you tick.
Secondly, remember our partners are not mind readers; if you don’t tell them exactly what you want, how the heck are they meant to know? Sure, some previous lovers might have known exactly what buttons to press, but it’s not always the case in relationships.
*** Hot tip: Don’t have the conversation in the bedroom before sex. Talk outside of the bedroom in a non-sexual setting. This is because a part of a woman’s brain switches off communication channels when experiencing arousal, making it hard to express needs/wants/fears/desires. Be clear, honest, shameless and precise. Also make it a shit sandwich (good-bad-good), which might go something like this:
“Babe, I love it when you lick my clit really slowly side to side with your tongue. But after about 2-3 minutes I really need you to penetrate my vagina with fingers in a come-hither motion for me to reach an orgasm. This needs to be slow, consistent and gently build up the pace - it may take 15 - 20 mins. I also love it when you slip a pinky finger in my ass. But make sure I am wet enough and you’re spitting on it with saliva or using lots of lube.”
3. Health & Lifestyle Overhaul
This relates to food, alcohol, drugs, sleep and exercise.
*** Reality check! If you drink alcohol every night, eat processed or packaged food, smoke weed/cigarettes daily, take prescription drugs, too much screen time, have constant late nights and not getting enough sleep - chances are you might have a lower sex drive. ***
My advice? Pay attention to what you’re putting into your body.
Fried, salty or sugary food makes you feel bloated so avoid this before sex. Alcohol numbs your sensitivities so try not drinking on the night you want to get sexually active (I like to wait till after sex for a night cap!). If you have an intolerance, don’t have gluten or dairy. Eat a high vibe alkaline diet (lots of greens) and don’t eat two hours before making love. Stay hydrated and drink lots of spring water (not tap water) during the day so you avoid headaches, mood swings and a decrease in natural lubrication. Exercise daily so you’re sex-fit!
4. Skip dinner and schedule sex dates instead
Scheduling sex dates rather than dinner dates, is a much deeper way to connect to your partner…and let’s face it, unless you prioritise your pleasure it might not happen.
Clear the diary for a few hours and make way for quality time to pleasure each other - gourmet style. Slow it down, practice eye-gazing, breathe together, get the toy box out from under the bed, edge yourselves (don’t orgasm straight away), explore oral, anal and vaginal sex. Try spanking, gagging, hair-pulling. Use that Pleasure Wand on her! Do it in different locations around the house. Explore tantra, shibari, swining, whatever floats your boat.
Rather than eating food and drinking alcohol - make the sex the main course - and enjoy some dinner together afterwards as a post-coital celebration.
If you’ve been together for 10 + years it’s essential to keep the spark alive otherwise things can go stagnant and boring. Whether you’re male or female, be the initiator! Take the lead and don’t wait for your partner to do it all for you.
5. Do you kegels
Whether you’re male or female, it’s important to do your kegels, aka pelvic floor exercises, for just 5 minutes a day is sufficient. Simply squeeze your pelvic floor (imagine like you’re stopping the flow of urine when you’re peeing) for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts, relax for 5 counts. Do three sets of 30 repetitions once a day.
This builds muscle tone in your sex organs, increases blood flow to the genitals, enhances stamina and orgasmic potential and raises energy levels.
[Feel tired? Do a few kegels to ignite your energy levels].
Want to supercharge your pussy? Invest in a high quality crystal yoni egg from our shop. We sell them HERE. I suggest beginning with a Nephrite Jade Egg or Rose Quartz Yoni Egg. Make sure it’s drilled if you’re a beginner and purchase the string with it so you can remove it.
6. Look at your purpose
Creative energy and sexual energy are fluid, intersecting and interchangeable. Our Sacral Chakra (second chakra - located at the womb) is responsible for our relationships, sexuality, money & creative energy. Thus a lot of people who lack direction or purpose, also lack libido, particularly if depression creeps in.
Being on path feels exciting, invigorating and thrilling. You feel in flow, like you could take on the world. The power it ignites within you gives you confidence - and that includes sexual confidence.
Being off-path, lacking purpose, having no direction in your career or having money issues are substantial sex-killers in a relationship. So look at this part of your life and imagine where you could be channeling your creative energy. The more passion you have for what you do, the more passion you have sexually. Passion is passion; it doesn’t pick and choose. You can redirect the passion you have for your career into your partner! And if you can’t? It’s time to go back up to #1 and have an open, honest, vulnerable conversation.
7. Rebuild desire by seeing your partner in their spotlight!
This is for women or men in relationships who are lacking desire for their partner.
Remember back to what turned you on about them? What made your partner appealing, attractive, alluring?
Was it when they danced like Magic Mike for you? (hehe)
Or when you watched them play guitar?
Seal that business deal?
When they trained for that triathlon?
When you watched them speak at that convention?
Or when you watched them play that sport they are really good at?
Go see your partner in their glory and watch what happens next…
When your partner is doing what they do best and they are in their power, you want them even more! We hunger for them, we crave them, desire them. And so often we get bogged down in the nitty gritty of boring day-to-day living.
Rebuilding desire in a relationship takes time, but it’s important not to stop giving a shit about the things that light your partner up.
I hope this helps reignite your libido and passion for yourself, your partner and your relationship.
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